I can share some news now

It has been a whirlwind finish for summer camp this year.  We finished our final week of summer camp and then hosted staff for a couple days to finish off the summer season.  I took 5 folks on a canoe trip to Frontenac Provincial Park (felt like our camp backyard, it was that close) and 3 had never been on trip before.  It was great!  We paddled a little, hiked a lot and slept in!  I am always glad to be on trip and even more thankful when it ends off a busy season because it gives me the time and space to really start processing and helps me transition to the next season or head space.

Summer was made a little crazier by way of a major transition happening at work.  Camp has been going through a process of realigning with our mission/vision, which is a great thing, and needed.  However, that meant, in light of our mission, that we have begun some large changes.  Part of that included some lay-offs and changes around focus and how much we do.  I didn't know until a couple weeks ago whether I would still be working there or not.  I am still working at camp but my role has changed slightly, we are changing what we do (a little) and our staff team will be smaller.  

It has been a challenging month but God has been steadfast through it all.  I have had a consistent measure of peace through the whole process, although daily emotions were on a roller-coaster of highs and lows the last few weeks of waiting.  I have been encouraged by how prayerful the board has been through this and that the decisions made were not taken lightly nor done hastily.  The timing in one respect made things challenging as we had to wait for quite a while to hear news but I am thankful that they were looking to the Lord to make those decisions.  I would never want to work in a ministry that was not looking to the Lord for direction and really listening to hear His plan for that ministry.

As I have been so transient in my life, I fully expected that the Lord would move me, and I was content with either outcome.  It was a little surprising that I am staying at camp (part of me was excited by new possibilities in the wide world) but I am peaceful about retaining my job.  It is hard to know what the next 6 months will look like, but I am confident that I will be leaning on My Beloved for strength, wisdom and courage in those weeks.

If you are a praying person, please add me and camp to your prayer list.  We are going to feel the affects of transition for some time to come and I appreciate all the prayer you can manage for us.

The physical rains came on the same day the staff started hearing about their jobs.  We were glad for the rains, as camp and canoe tripping are so much better without a fire ban (yeah campfires and campfire cooking)!  I think that staff were glad to know, even when the news was hard, cause the waiting was wearing on us all.  

I am learning to trust the Lord and waiting on His peace for this season.....and His strength as I am tired and we start a new season on Tuesday.   

Life with a paddle in my hand

Last weekend was wet, rainy, cold and so much FUN!  I spent it on the Coulonge River with the staff who will be guiding trips for me this summer.

It was so refreshing to be on trip and to just roll with the weather, nature and my fellow trippers.  Life in the "city" can be stressful with busy-ness, people and work, but on trip (even when it's for work) you have space to focus on those things that really matter.

I find trip is a great time to process through the stuff rolling around inside of me. In my day to day life, I don't usually make time for that, or I work at ignoring what is happening inside and focus on the things happening around me.  On trip, you have the space to slow down and start looking at that stuff inside that we often hide or ignore.

It is scary and hard to process what we are struggling with but it is worth the work.  When I am processing on trip, it feels far more peaceful than at home.  I find I connect with my Creator and revel in His handiwork, which makes me realize that He is in control and can carry me through the process, even if I am scared.

So I had fun, I spent time in creation with my Creator, I looked inside, acknowledged some things I had been ignoring and came home a little more peaceful than I went out.  I really hope that I can go out again soon!

Back to work

April 17, 2012 (I didn't post this right away, thinking that I would write more)

Today will be my second day back at work after being off for 6 weeks!  Yesterday was quiet, as most of my coworkers were not there and it felt so long, as I have not worked a full day in weeks.  It was good to get back on site and walk around.  I noticed changes and upgrades with more work to be done, but was mostly it was the same as I left it.  The biggest change was probably me.....

In taking such a long break, I really thought and prayed that I would be longing to come back and really excited to be here.  I am glad to return but excitement and longing are not how I would describe what I am feeling.  It's familiar and good and I will get back into the rhythm soon but it feels really foreign and I feel out of place.

The thing I am longing for is Jesus and heaven.  I long to spend time with my Saviour and to be around His throne.  I long to sing and dance, to canoe and run through fields of flowers with the Good Shepherd.  I still feel like I am longing for home....but that no where on earth will satisfy that longing, only being with the Lord.

  

Thoughts from summer - written sometime in September

It's hard to believe that summer is gone.  It has not rained too much but the wind and cooler temperatures are a reminder that fall has officially begun in my world.  Fall is here in eastern Ontario and the trees are turning to brilliant reds, oranges and yellows.

As I am the Fall staff team leader, my work life does not slow down much but changes from the roller coaster of summer to the a more rhythmic hustle.  I usually say that summer is 'frenetic' where as the other seasons are 'busy'.  I have discovered, over the last 3 years, that camp only has slow months, not slow seasons and I have learned to pace myself to make it through the year.  I love hosting people and interacting with them but it is nice to work on other things sometimes.

In the transition between summer and fall, I was granted a little more space than the transition between spring and summer.  And with space comes introspection and processing through the last 2 seasons of work and life.  Here are some of my thoughts coming out of 4 jam-packed months.

This spring/summer our staff (including myself) were learning about listening.

Listening to God
Listening to each other
Listening to themselves

I am not sure if they knew that this was a theme of summer and it was certainly not one we announced.  But looking back as I chatted with staff or Assistant staff, I realize now that I kept asking them what God thought, what campers thought/needed, what other staff were thinking or feeling and what were they themselves internally processing.

We do not often stop to listen in our culture.  We are caught up in what we think or have to say, what we want and ultimately what we do (I have not missed the irony of this statement as I am blogging my thoughts).

Listening to God...
I hear folks say that they wished they knew what God was telling them or what He wanted them to do...but rarely do they stop, sit down and really spend some time listening.  The Lord is gracious and compassionate and answers those who call on Him.  But like Elijah found in the wilderness, the Lord is not often loud in His communication with us but speaks in the quiet whisper.  It is in the secret place with the Lord that we close out all the distractions of this world and press into relationship with Him.  It's here that we learn who He is and consequently how to listen to and recognize His voice.  Why don't we spend more time in the secret place with Him?

Listening to each other...
Community is only as rich and supportive as the people who are in it.  It is not very supportive if everyone is always focused on themselves and what they want.  As North Americans we have seen the result of a 'ME' focused, highly individualized society.  As we learn to listen to others our world gains depth due to the relationships we have in it.  We learn about others, about God and ourselves through our relationships.  But we must listen to the other in order to hear them.  Why don't we listen more to each other?

Listening to ourselves...
We don't even stop and listen to, or process, what is going on inside of us, any more than we listen to each other.  We might slow down enough to acknowledge when we are upset with someone.  But we do not naturally sit to process that and see if that is about the other or actually about ourselves.  We teach each other that busy-ness is fulfilling and somehow gives one value.  True value is found only in The Lord.  Why don't we stop more to process and work through life's stuff with ourselves?

I think the answer to all three of these questions is FEAR.  Fear of God, others, ourselves.  Fear that if we sit in silence, in the secret place with God, that all of our crap will drive our Heavenly Father away.  Fear that if people really knew us, they would leave or if we really listened to them, we might have to walk with them through their crap.  Fear of what we might discover if we started looking closely at ourselves.  Fear that we might not hear anything at all.

When we spend time with the Lord, we learn what matters to Him and what's on His heart for us and the world.  We are changed by encounter with The Lord of Hosts!  It is freeing and increases the depths of relationships when we allow the other to see who we are and what we struggle with and to see who they are and what they struggle with.  One of the best investments we can make in people is our time and often our honesty about how we are doing.  We gain understanding when we look at ourselves and work through the hard parts, not by covering them up or pretending they don't exist.  Escaping from ourselves is not fulfilling in the long run, even if it feels better in the present.

So we need to face FEAR.  We need to stand firm in the knowledge and experience of Christ's love and His blood shed for us.  We need to listen in order to move forward in our life with Christ.

But will I take the time????

I know you will all be shocked by this....

but I have discovered that I am really good at being relational!  I know.  You are shocked.  But it is so refreshing to feel like I am pretty good at my job.  For the last 3 summers, I have had jobs at camp that I could do but they didn't really bring me a lot of life or joy.  They were supervisory but I was spread thin in time and worked as much with physical resources as I did with people.

This summer, I was asked to head up our Assistant Staff program.  These are the 17-year-olds (with a few 18-year-olds) who have not worked for us before.  Some have come through the leadership training program, some have not.  But they all need a little more support before we release them into independence. So we meet as a group twice a week and I meet individually with them once a week.  They seem to love this and I get to know them better as a result.  I ask them how it's going and we problem solve but they also set pro-active goals for their own learning and movement to being independent staffers.  When I say independence, it means staff who do not have the extra support built into Assistant staff, so our average staff members.

It has been fun to laugh, cry and pray with these young people as they grow in skills and have challenging/exciting experiences.  I love getting to know them and sometimes it breaks my heart, but I get to see the potential in them and hear what's in their hearts.  They seem to enjoy feedback and knowing how they are doing, something that we struggle to do well with summer staff, as they are so many and we are so few.

So, even though I knew I was good at "talking" to people, going for coffee and generally "being a friend", I have found more joy in my work this summer being able to just be there for these new staff and help support their growth.  It is a good slower mode for me, as Spring and Fall are busy because I team lead those seasons.

I am very thankful for this season of learning more about "being" and with less "doing".

Spiritually rich or barren?

Are you spiritually rich or barren?

Are your eyes focused on heavenly or earthly things?

Who or what satisfies your hunger?

Are you well taken care of in the physical but spiritually malnourished?

This week we had summer staff training.  It is always a little more intense than most weeks at camp, as we are trying to build foundations in new staff and build on foundations with returning or older staff.  We spend a lot of the day in sessions and have a speaker come in to teach from God's Word.  It is good and tiring all at once.

The staff theme verse is from Matthew 5:6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied".  We established that everyone hungers/thirsts.  That hunger was built into us by God and we are to look to Him to satisfy.  However, most of the time, we look to earthly things to satisfy and spend our lives seeking what is empty and only distracts us for a moment.

Dave Enns, the speaker, asked us if we had ever yearned or longed for something that took some time to get.  Like a new computer, an iPod, a house, a car, that boyfriend/girlfriend, better health, more knowledge, etc?  How did we feel when we got it?  Were we satisfied and never longed for anything again?  If we were honest, we admitted that those things only distract us from our hunger for a moment but soon after we get them, they tarnish and we lose interest because they were never meant to satisfy that hunger inside of us.

Why do we go to God only after trying other things first?  I do this.  I try to distract myself, to escape from whatever I have trouble dealing with, to fulfill that hunger with things that are temporal.  Only when I am desperate and have found these other things to be empty do I go to the Lord.

We are so materially rich in Canada but our society is so spiritually barren.  Even in our churches, people are putting material things, family/friends and activities before the Lord.  They trust in themselves instead of God to provide and feed on entertainment instead of God's Word.  I am guilty of this too and this week have been convicted in session and in reading George Muller's thoughts that I am not seeking the right avenue to satisfy my hunger.  This needs to change and it will not be easy to walk out.

George Muller writes "Truly, it is worth being poor and greatly tried in faith for the sake of having such precious, daily proof of the loving interest which our kind Father takes in everything that concerns us...If the hearts of the children of God are comforted and their faith strengthened, it is worth being poor and greatly tried in faith.  Those who do not know God may read or hear of His dealings with us and see that faith in God is more than a mere notion.  There is indeed reality in Christianity...Our trials of faith during these seventeen months lasted longer and were sharper than during any previous period.  Yet, the orphans had everything they needed in the way of nourishing food and clothing.  We look back at the trials of our faith with perfect joy and peace, knowing that our God did not fail us even once.  In our dependence on Him for every need, we have come to know in a fuller way that we are truly partners with Him in this work."

George's ministry had never been monetarily rich, however, in the last 17 months, they were daily asking for provision and seeing it come in the very hour they needed it.  Previously, there seemed to be larger sums of money coming more regularly, so that they had a few days or even weeks provided for.  Lately, George would wake up, ask God to send money or food for the day and then go to the orphanages to see if something had come.  Each time, God provided, sometimes not even an hour before the next meal.    This was a trial of faith for all involved as they had to trust that God would provide their most basic needs (food, clothing, coal) each and every day.

I am thankful that I do not live in that kind of need.  But what would their faith look like and what kinds of things would those children do for God in their adult years, as they stepped out in faith knowing that God would go before them and provide for them?

The Last Day of Camp

It's the last day of summer camp and I was not here for it.  I was facilitating in Kingston with a group of RA's from St. Lawrence College.  It was great.  It would have been fun here too, as there was waterskiing, good food and time to say goodbyes, but I feel like fall has already started in my head.  Really I said goodbye to summer a few weeks ago and in walked Fall.  

That being said, I am sad I missed saying goodbye to the summer staff who really did an amazing job this summer.  

So Goodbye Summer and Hello Fall.  We'll see what you bring us!  

God is good and so is Prayer

Thank you for praying! It is working, but please keep it up. I have been mostly free of whatever dreadful illness I caught last month. I actually think I caught 2, as the first was feverish with a sore throat/dry cough (H1N1 perhaps?) and the second round ended up with slightly different symptoms. Unfortunately when I get tired, I still get this weird harsh cough and sometimes wake with a sore throat. So the doctor thought I had a sinus infection on top of it and gave me antibiotics, which seemed to help clear that up. Now we are on to Hayfever! I am not friends with Ragweed and don't think I ever will be. I am trying to ingest enough local honey to build up antibodies to help fight it. Symptoms are not as bad as last year, but I am still only comfortable and able to leave the Kleenex box, if I take Reactin every morning. So please keep praying for healing and thanking God that He has brought me through this far.

Fall at camp brings change and a full schedule this year. We are hiring more staff for the fall season and will have people on-site for the bulk of 2 months. We only have 1 day in September and 3 days in October where we don't have guests on-site. That is busy for us! It's good but a slower fall would have been nice.

The best news all week is that I have been to church 2 weeks in a row and feel like I am getting my life back. It is sad and not healthy that life shuts down for summer. I have always been frustrated when activities and groups hiatus during the summer (those few summers I spend in cities and not running off to camp) but working at camp full-time I would have trouble getting to them if they didn't take a break. This coming summer I am praying will be different. I am hoping to feel like my life outside of camp keeps going.

In the winter, in order to remain healthy, you have to find activities and groups to interact with off-site. And then in the summer, they all disband or I have no time to get to them. This is not healthy for summer. Being on-site, with only camp to focus on during the summer has made this last season hard for me. I don't mind the change in routine but at times I felt like I lost my friends, because most of them were fully engaged in camp. This does not work well for me. I need to have a social life that continues throughout the year. Not just "off season" social time. So the challenge for next summer will be to find more of a balance between camp and life.

My mindset and interactions have been different in the past too, as I was a seasonal camp staff. So my social life was built into the seasonal community structure but now I have to figure out where my social life comes from, as I can't build it around 2-4 months of staff being here and then try to restructure when they are gone. That seems like a no-brainer but has been a big adjustment in my thinking and the way I interact with staff.

My sad news is that my little sista has driven off into the sunset, literally west....back home. I will miss her greatly and have been blessed to get to know her as an adult. It sounds weird to say that but I moved away from home when she was 15 years old and have not lived in the same city as her, until this summer, 10 years later. So she is the same and different, all at once and it was so good to spend time with her. I love her a lot and miss her already!


We'll always have Moonbeam and Tuck Shop!!

IAWAH Goes to The Rideau Canal

What can I say about Ottawa and Winterlude on the Rideau Canal? It appears to be a larger version of Festival du Voyageur (http://festivalvoyageur.mb.ca/wp/) in Winnipeg on a narrower, longer space, with less voyageurs roaming around. It was packed with people (it may only look like more people than in Winnipeg), there were vendors all over the place and every couple of minutes someone skates by while talking on a cell phone! Such a strange sight! People use the Canal to commute to work by skating, so that didn't seem so odd but it was the people who appeared to be skating in a group for recreation while talking on their phones that baffled me.



That being said, it was a great experience and I was pretty excited to be on the Rideau Canal for the first time and eating a beavertail! Oh deep fried heaven......very similar to getting bannock at a PowWow, only it's shaped like a beaver tail and there is no jam.

We had a small but enthusiastic turnout of campers and staff! Thanks to all who came and helped out!

Brave staff standing beside our replica IAWAH pillars!

A typical Friesen, must have cream for the Starbucks! Any of you who know Jeff will recognize the toque!

Laura as a beaver was a hit with everyone! Some random kids asked to get a picture with her and someone asked where she had purchased her costume......please note the blue duct tape on her head keeping her bristol board ears on!!

We don't experience too many bitterly cold days here but that day our hot chocolate was freezing quickly!