School has started again here and we have seen the temperature drop a little and the sun set earlier.....fall is here! I love Fall or Autumn! It is a time of beautiful colours and cool nights. Fewer bugs and more animal sightings at camp. Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Pumpkin pies!
I am starting this fall with some goal setting. I am not really a "goal-oriented" person but thought I should make some goals to try to work on discipline. I know, the D-word.....but I need more of it. So as September starts, I will be working with the Lord on discipline. In the weeks to come, I will be figuring out where discipline will be practised in my day and how that will look. As I am a pretty unstructured person and like to go-with-the-flow and see what each day brings (with no plan in place), this will be an interesting exercise.
Discipline has never been something I have found easy. My impression of my growing up years is that I lacked discipline and my mother had to work hard at getting me to do things like practice piano, cleaning my room and saving money. I am not sure if my impression is correct but I don't remember, ever, having that internal drive that some people have, to get things done. I have always been an "it'll wait till later" kinda kid. There were always more important things to do. These attitudes and habits have carried into adulthood, much to the frustration of my housemates when I leave the dishes or taking out the garbage "till later". I am hoping that by practising discipline, I will get better at it and will enjoy the structure more.
Stay tuned to see how it turns out!
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Summer is not a vacation in my world but is still good
The summer season at work is almost over and with it some of the craziness will also be over. I love the warmth of the weather, the excitement of the youth and staff and I love camp......however, after 4 months of super-busy-people-filled-being-flexible-long-days craziness, I am ready for fall.
The summer season is always frantic and I feel like I run through my days, which are fuelled by caffeine and sugar. Neither of these things really help me to feel good but it's an easy burst of energy when I get tired. So this fall I will be detoxing from caffeine and sugar along with developing some routine again.
This summer felt harder than previous ones. It was full of last minute staffing changes and the overall feeling from the seasonal staff, was one of challenge and them having a hard time. The seasonal staffers difficulties were not all tied to camp and/or camp-life but many were just life-stage and other stuff happening within and around them back home. So right now I describe my summer as hard but will tack on the word 'good' soon.
The Lord was really kind this summer and sent a few staffers to me who I really connected with and was encouraged by even as I hope I encouraged them. He also sent me a refuge in a friend's house to stay overnight once a week. It is so peaceful and my friends are so kind that I felt renewed and encouraged staying there just one night a week. And now the Lord is blessing me again by sending me volunteers for my first Fall event on Labour Day weekend.
I know this is a scattered post but I am in the stage of summer where thinking becomes harder. Thoughts are more scattered and sometimes I am so tired I can't do simple things like add single digits or alphabetize lists or remember to get gas for my car (don't worry I made it to the gas station but it was close).
So if you are a praying person, please pray for strength and endurance, to end the summer season well and to have enough energy and staff to host groups in the Fall well.
Maybe I will invest in a ticket to somewhere warm and sunny in the middle of March (winter here) in order to have a relaxing "summer" vacation!
The summer season is always frantic and I feel like I run through my days, which are fuelled by caffeine and sugar. Neither of these things really help me to feel good but it's an easy burst of energy when I get tired. So this fall I will be detoxing from caffeine and sugar along with developing some routine again.
This summer felt harder than previous ones. It was full of last minute staffing changes and the overall feeling from the seasonal staff, was one of challenge and them having a hard time. The seasonal staffers difficulties were not all tied to camp and/or camp-life but many were just life-stage and other stuff happening within and around them back home. So right now I describe my summer as hard but will tack on the word 'good' soon.
The Lord was really kind this summer and sent a few staffers to me who I really connected with and was encouraged by even as I hope I encouraged them. He also sent me a refuge in a friend's house to stay overnight once a week. It is so peaceful and my friends are so kind that I felt renewed and encouraged staying there just one night a week. And now the Lord is blessing me again by sending me volunteers for my first Fall event on Labour Day weekend.
I know this is a scattered post but I am in the stage of summer where thinking becomes harder. Thoughts are more scattered and sometimes I am so tired I can't do simple things like add single digits or alphabetize lists or remember to get gas for my car (don't worry I made it to the gas station but it was close).
So if you are a praying person, please pray for strength and endurance, to end the summer season well and to have enough energy and staff to host groups in the Fall well.
Maybe I will invest in a ticket to somewhere warm and sunny in the middle of March (winter here) in order to have a relaxing "summer" vacation!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Longing for HOME
English is a funny language. There are so many words that sound the same but have multiple meanings. Some are spelled the same while some are spelled differently yet sound the same. Currently I have been thinking about the word HOME.
Home is always spelled the same but can be a noun, verb, adverb or adjective, as you can see by some quick research at Dictionary.com. However, HOME means something different to everyone, even when we use it to represent a similar idea in our speech. For example, when I say that I am going home, this could mean almost anywhere, unless I give it more definition within our conversation. I often refer to visiting my family in Manitoba as "going home" but also then say that I am going home, when I refer to coming back to Ontario. It's a tricky word to really understand the meaning of, as it has so much to do with an individual person's context and ideas.
I have often been moved by the word HOME. The thought of going HOME has been one of joy and expectation. Wondering where HOME is, has often brought thoughtful contemplation and sometimes anxiety or fear. The idea of HOME has brought longing and sometimes loneliness or sadness. But no matter what HOME we are talking about, it always brings some kind of emotional response.
Recently I have been struggling with such a LONGING for HOME. Often I think that my longing for HOME will be satisfied if I move back to Winnipeg and am closer to my family. But when I really inquire of the Lord in my longing, it is not Winnipeg or my family that will satisfy this longing for HOME. But the Lord Himself and heaven. Dwelling with my Creator.
I long for HOME and peace, for joy inexhaustible and an end to evil and strife. I long for the Bridegroom and King to rule and reign in eternity. I long for Eternity and right relationship with God and with everyone else.
Eternity is the HOME I long for and only One can satisfy that longing, Jesus. Longing for something that can not be fully satisfied until heaven or Jesus' return is challenging in my sinful state because that I try so hard to fulfill that longing myself, or bury it or numb it.
I am excited to tabernacle with the Lord and dwell in His house forever. To sing to Him and speak with Him in the beauty of His throne room, in the Temple of the City of our God. My imagination is not good enough to even come close to how beautiful the Lord is and what the City of God will look like but my heart and my spirit yearn for it.
Some days I just want to go HOME!
Home is always spelled the same but can be a noun, verb, adverb or adjective, as you can see by some quick research at Dictionary.com. However, HOME means something different to everyone, even when we use it to represent a similar idea in our speech. For example, when I say that I am going home, this could mean almost anywhere, unless I give it more definition within our conversation. I often refer to visiting my family in Manitoba as "going home" but also then say that I am going home, when I refer to coming back to Ontario. It's a tricky word to really understand the meaning of, as it has so much to do with an individual person's context and ideas.
I have often been moved by the word HOME. The thought of going HOME has been one of joy and expectation. Wondering where HOME is, has often brought thoughtful contemplation and sometimes anxiety or fear. The idea of HOME has brought longing and sometimes loneliness or sadness. But no matter what HOME we are talking about, it always brings some kind of emotional response.
Recently I have been struggling with such a LONGING for HOME. Often I think that my longing for HOME will be satisfied if I move back to Winnipeg and am closer to my family. But when I really inquire of the Lord in my longing, it is not Winnipeg or my family that will satisfy this longing for HOME. But the Lord Himself and heaven. Dwelling with my Creator.
I long for HOME and peace, for joy inexhaustible and an end to evil and strife. I long for the Bridegroom and King to rule and reign in eternity. I long for Eternity and right relationship with God and with everyone else.
Eternity is the HOME I long for and only One can satisfy that longing, Jesus. Longing for something that can not be fully satisfied until heaven or Jesus' return is challenging in my sinful state because that I try so hard to fulfill that longing myself, or bury it or numb it.
I am excited to tabernacle with the Lord and dwell in His house forever. To sing to Him and speak with Him in the beauty of His throne room, in the Temple of the City of our God. My imagination is not good enough to even come close to how beautiful the Lord is and what the City of God will look like but my heart and my spirit yearn for it.
Some days I just want to go HOME!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Stand
For me, the tile is to remind me that it's okay just to stand firm in the Lord. Just stand there. It is one tile. I can't tile the floor with it, can't walk down it like a road, can't even really move it when I am standing on it. But it is firm. It helps create a foundation. A solid place to put my feet. I stand on it.
My tile represents my foundation in the Lord, Yahweh, the God of Israel. So I stand on the Lord. In all the movement of my life circumstances (moods/emotions, thought-life, physical size fluctuations, job description changes, friendship changes, etc) I can stand firm on the foundation of Jesus as my Saviour and Lord. On God the Father, creating me for His pleasure and enjoyment. On Holy Spirit to strengthen me and hold me together. On Truth and on Love.
It's just a tile, but when I look at it, I am reminded that I am not my own but I stand because of the One who created me and He created me to be loved for eternity. I stand because that is all I have been able to do this winter, just stand there. I have not had the energy to gain ground, to learn and grow in the Lord or to increase my ministry opportunities. I feel exhausted and like a failure but I have stood my ground. I have stood on top of the foundation that my grandparents and parents laid for me, that I chose as a twelve-year-old and that I continue to choose today.
I am standing firm on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And that is enough. Standing here is enough...............
but man has it been hard.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Growing is hard sometimes
I went to my modular session through Ellel Ministries this last weekend. I always come home with so much to think about and process. We were talking about and working through our relationships last weekend. It is always surprising where those weekends take me. I am a highly introspective person anyway but inevitably there is something about myself and my behaviours that I have overlooked and need to acknowledge and allow the Lord to start changing.
This last weekend I was reminded that as friendly as I am and as much as I love people and getting to know them, I have a solid wall around myself that most people in my life never get to see over. This happens due to a number of different factors but boils down to me self-protecting. The idea that I can protect myself better than God can and an instinctual reaction due to my sinful nature.
So this month I am working on allowing God to carry my relationships to whatever level he wants them to go. I am also working on expressing my needs and emotions with discernment into the situation before me. I am REALLY not good at this. Somewhere in my history I obtained the belief that I should not show any anger, hurt or frustration and fear grips me when I go to share those things with people. I am not sure where this belief came from but it is false and has to change. It is so hard to renew my mind and overcome old patterns of behaviour and thought. Thankfully I have Jesus working with me on it but it's a slow process and really hard for me.
This last weekend I was reminded that as friendly as I am and as much as I love people and getting to know them, I have a solid wall around myself that most people in my life never get to see over. This happens due to a number of different factors but boils down to me self-protecting. The idea that I can protect myself better than God can and an instinctual reaction due to my sinful nature.
So this month I am working on allowing God to carry my relationships to whatever level he wants them to go. I am also working on expressing my needs and emotions with discernment into the situation before me. I am REALLY not good at this. Somewhere in my history I obtained the belief that I should not show any anger, hurt or frustration and fear grips me when I go to share those things with people. I am not sure where this belief came from but it is false and has to change. It is so hard to renew my mind and overcome old patterns of behaviour and thought. Thankfully I have Jesus working with me on it but it's a slow process and really hard for me.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
My little sweets!
These are my sister's darlings and I miss them terribly! Al says she thinks Sophie looks like me and Luc is wearing the overalls I bought for him! I am that far off Auntie who comes with presents every time I visit!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Settling in....it will just take time!
It's been 2 weeks since we moved to Perth, ON and we are settling in to a routine. Life in Perth is different than outside of Westport. I can walk to places, not that I have yet, and it feels like there are more options for evening activities. It is a short walk or drive to those activities, so I am more inclined to get out in the evening.
I joined a local concert band. It is a fun mix of ages and abilities although I am in some serious need of practice. I haven't played seriously since high school and that was a long time ago. I have picked up my flute periodically and run some scales but this will be interesting. I have a while before we actually play in public, but I will be practicing so that I can at least pretend to keep up a little this coming week.
As apartments go we were blessed with a nicely renovated one. The stove smells when we use it because it is so new and the whole apartment still has a slightly new renovation smell to it. That will soon change but it's taking some adjustment to get used to living here. For Laura and Faith too, I am sure. I struggle most with the light that comes through my window at night, it's the orange glow of city light-pollution, not a white moon. I don't really enjoy that, but I always sleep with the blinds open so I maximize the sun in the morning. I have also had trouble with the noise. Most people would probably say it's quiet but there is traffic and a train that I am not used to. And I miss laying in my bed, looking out at the forest. In the place at Little Crosby Lake Road, it was like sleeping in the forest because there were so many windows and it was only a ground floor. We are on the 6th floor in Perth and I can see the Mark's Work Warehouse sign when I look out the balcony window, that a little weird still.
I will get used to it....it will just take time. That is the latest phrase I repeat to myself. It will just take time. As we have changed the staffing structure at work, it will just take time to transition. It will just take time to figure out how to work with less people. It will just take time to figure out my new role.
So it will just take time.
PS I wrote this weeks ago and am only now posting it. A little update is in order. Laura, Faith and I are learning to live together and have to keep reminding each other of how recently we actually moved. It feels like we have been here longer than we have. So patience and grace is what we are practicing! And the train is getting less noticeable but some days it's still really LOUD! Work is just going to take time to adjust too and I feel a little like I won't be able to keep up with the added tasks and duties, but in reality......it will just take time!
I joined a local concert band. It is a fun mix of ages and abilities although I am in some serious need of practice. I haven't played seriously since high school and that was a long time ago. I have picked up my flute periodically and run some scales but this will be interesting. I have a while before we actually play in public, but I will be practicing so that I can at least pretend to keep up a little this coming week.
As apartments go we were blessed with a nicely renovated one. The stove smells when we use it because it is so new and the whole apartment still has a slightly new renovation smell to it. That will soon change but it's taking some adjustment to get used to living here. For Laura and Faith too, I am sure. I struggle most with the light that comes through my window at night, it's the orange glow of city light-pollution, not a white moon. I don't really enjoy that, but I always sleep with the blinds open so I maximize the sun in the morning. I have also had trouble with the noise. Most people would probably say it's quiet but there is traffic and a train that I am not used to. And I miss laying in my bed, looking out at the forest. In the place at Little Crosby Lake Road, it was like sleeping in the forest because there were so many windows and it was only a ground floor. We are on the 6th floor in Perth and I can see the Mark's Work Warehouse sign when I look out the balcony window, that a little weird still.
I will get used to it....it will just take time. That is the latest phrase I repeat to myself. It will just take time. As we have changed the staffing structure at work, it will just take time to transition. It will just take time to figure out how to work with less people. It will just take time to figure out my new role.
So it will just take time.
PS I wrote this weeks ago and am only now posting it. A little update is in order. Laura, Faith and I are learning to live together and have to keep reminding each other of how recently we actually moved. It feels like we have been here longer than we have. So patience and grace is what we are practicing! And the train is getting less noticeable but some days it's still really LOUD! Work is just going to take time to adjust too and I feel a little like I won't be able to keep up with the added tasks and duties, but in reality......it will just take time!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
We Moved!
Faith, Laura and I moved into an apartment in Perth. I will tell you all about it soon. It's been a really busy month and I am still trying to catch my breath!
Monday, September 10, 2012
New Niece
Saturday brought us a new member of our family, my niece Sophie Grace. We are blessed to finally meet her. She was anxious to meet us too! She couldn't wait and was born in an ambulance in front of my sister's house! They are all doing well and I got to see them later that day, over FaceTime. Sometimes I really love technology!
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